Filed under: marriage | Tags: death-bed, end-of-life, farrah fawcett, marriage, ryan o'neal
I just read an article on one of the on-line news sites that asked the question: “Why do people have death-bed weddings when they had no intentions of getting married before their loved one was diagnosed with a terminal illness?”
Just recently, Farrah Fawcett (and a lot of other celebrities) died…but right before her death, her boyfriend (and father of her son, Redmond), Ryan O’Neal asked her to marry him. This was not a new thing. Over their 29 year relationship, O’Neal had reportedly asked Farrah to marry him multiple times and she always said no. She was comfortable in her relationship, I guess.
A lot of people seem to be comfortable in their relationships and don’t seem to see much of a point in getting married. I’ve heard tons of excuses…ranging from “I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me I’m married,” to “my parents got divorced and I could never trust someone enough to get married.”
I’m not writing to judge peoples’ reasons for not wanting to get married. I fortunately married the right woman, and I have an incredible marriage. So, I don’t carry the emotional baggage that a lot of people do as they enter into relationships.
But, here is what is interesting: why is it that when life seems to be nearing its end, that many people suddenly adopt more traditional or biblical values?
I think it is pretty simple. I believe that deep-down, people believe that marriage is right. It is the right thing to do because God ordained it. Just like the old war saying that there are “no atheists in a fox-hole.” In other words, when life may end, people want to find the truth and live in the truth.
Does this happen for everyone? Of course not. There are some people who persist in having life “their way, right away (thanks Burger King)” all the way to the end. But whether they do it consciously or not, many people seek to do the right thing as life begins to ebb away.
So why not just do it now? That is what I’m striving to do…more and more each day.
Peace,
Neil
Filed under: Neil Schori | Tags: abortion, consistent ethic of life, dr. george tiller, partial birth abortion, pro-life
Yesterday morning after serving as an usher in his church, Dr. George Tiller was shot to death. Dr. Tiller was a very controversial doctor. He was an abortion provider for decades and even performed the extremely controversial procedure of “late-term,” or “partial-birth” abortion.
Let me be clear about this: I am not a supporter of abortion. Let me be clear about something else: I am not a supporter of killing abortion providers.
I’ve seen some seriously ridiculous arguments on Facebook and on various blogs that I regularly read regarding the issue of abortion. The arguments have ranged from talking about what “pro-life” really means, all the way to some people writing such ridiculous things like “he (Dr. Tiller) got what he deserved.”
This was the most thoughtful and reflective comment that I read all day and it was written by Aaron Monts, a church planter in SF:
“ironic: pro-lifers giddy about the murder of dr. george tiller. question: where’s the consistent ethic of life?”
Now we’re talking! That cuts through some of the empty rhetoric that I hear from pro-lifers. As well-intentioned as many pro-lifers may be, intentions are only intentions if they are not accompanied by actions. Doesn’t it only make sense to claim to be pro-life if you are thoroughly pro-life?!
I have a hard time listening to someone claim to be pro-life while being pro-murder of abortion providers. There is no justification for such an evil position.
I want to see a new generation of Christ Followers who actually follow Christ. Wouldn’t that be refreshing? I want to see pro-lifers actually be consistently pro-life. And if we manage to do that, we’re going to live out a very costly Christianity…and here’s why:
If we believe that God wants to save babies from mom’s who want out of pregnancy and motherhood, and from abortion providers, then maybe God actually wants us to get our hands dirty in the process. You know, actually put our money where our loud mouths are.
Maybe God wants us to be-friend and to actually love these scared mothers who have to make such frightening life or death decisions. And maybe we can show these mothers tangible love by supporting them financially and emotionally or being willing to adopt their children. Now that sounds like the kind of pro-life movement that God would support.
And that is the only kind of pro-life movement that I support, too. One that has a loving and consistent ethic of life…all life. May God give peace to Dr. Tiller’s family and may God break our hearts for what breaks His.
Peace,
Neil
Filed under: "outwardly focused church", "the least of these", Neil Schori, outflow | Tags: american dream, loving god and loving our neighbors, selflessness, suburbs, SUV, true religion, two greatest commandments
What is the “American Dream,” anyway? I think somewhere along the way someone decided that the best thing in the world would be to have a nice house, of course, incomplete without the obligatory white picket fence. The house would be in the suburbs with unlimited rolling green grass (not too long though, or your neighbors will complain to the association) and there would be a large, gas-guzzling SUV in the garage replete with stickers on it that shows the many foreign places you’ve been to on your siestas. The other car is usually a mid-life crisis result and is a BMW or late-model Lexus and the plates say something like “MD ONE,” or “LOAN DOC.” Those are my favorites 
I could go on and on about this life, but I’m afraid that if I dwell on it too long that I will actually start wanting it, too. Come on, it DOES sound nice. It sounds tame and easy and relaxing and there aren’t too many unknowns (except for maybe when you’ll end up divorced, but that’s for another time).
What a nice sounding life. Not too much persecution, other than Chi-suburban traffic. Life is pretty predictable and good. Isn’t that what life is all about, anyway?!?
Well, Jesus answers with a resounding “NO!” Jesus said that the life that we were created for was a life that was giving and loving and sacrificial. It was a life that’s biggest drive was not to get things for itself, but to give away everything and to find meaning and significance not in the things that we own, but in whom we love.
Jesus said that the two most important things in life were to love God and to love our neighbors. Wow…that could get messy, huh? That kind of love might actually take away one of our SUVs and that kind of life might put us in danger. That kind of life might even get us killed. All of those things are true.
Jesus also said that the man who seeks to save his life will lose it, but the man who gives his life away for the sake of other will find real life…true and lasting life. What would that look like?
Pretty simply, it would take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on the people around us who are hurting and in need. It may be noticing someone at Starbucks who just looks down and caring enough to just smile. It may be taking a jobless neighbor out for a cup of coffee and of hope. It may be taking a bag of groceries to a food bank and thanking God for his provision in your life. It may be providing refuge for a person in grave danger.
It is only then that we will find what we are looking for…what we were created for and to be.
May God grant us his eyes so that we may seek out those in need both great and small, and in doing so, learning what it means to truly live.
Filed under: Neil Schori
We had a great day @ NCC yesterday celebrating mothers and also the God who gave moms such wonderful characteristics that we often take for granted. Mother’s Day isn’t great for everyone, though. Some moms have lost children to cruel diseases and some children are estranged from their moms. Relationships are most certainly complicated.
On May 8th, I was both thrilled and heart-broken. The wheels of justice began to spin quickly for Kathleen Savio, as Drew Peterson was arrested for her murder. For that I was grateful. But, there are 4 children that are now most likely hurting and more confused than ever as they are now without their mothers (Kathleen & Stacy) and their father. I’m so happy that Drew was arrested but my heart breaks for his kids. Please pray for them with me. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, too, will never be the same for them.
May the God of all peace grant them divine comfort.
Neil
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: abuse, biblical grounds for divorce, divorce, domestic violence
It seems to me that for far too long the church has been relatively silent on the issue of domestic violence and abuse in marriage. I think it is for a couple of reasons.
First of all, a lot of pastors avoid controversial issues. We’re all tempted to do it, but we shouldn’t give in. Messages that deal with domestic violence hit close to home because there is domestic violence that is occuring right underneath our noses and we’re not sure what to do with the fall-out that will occur if we choose to talk about it.
It isn’t just avoidance, though. We also want to be biblically accurate as we counsel women (and occasionally men) about the future of their marriages/separation/divorce, etc. Now that is a healthy fear! We need to be accurate in our handling of scripture as we counsel our congregations.
Having said that, most of us haven’t cared deeply enough to take a hard look at what scripture really says about legitimate reasons for separation and divorce.
Think about it: in cases involving adultery, many pastors would give their blessing (albeit reluctantly) on a woman’s decision to leave her cheating spouse (Matthew 5). BUT, the same pastor would most likely struggle with counseling a beaten or emotionally abused woman to do the same thing. Why? Because with just a quick look at the New Testament, it appears that God would not support a woman leaving her husband on the grounds that he abused her.
Here’s the truth…as pastors who handle God’s Word, we do need to be careful, but that does not take away our responsibility to properly understand scripture. Just recently I came across a wonderful resource in a man named David Instone-Brewer. He has a ton of expertise regarding the Bible and is presently the senior research fellow in rabbinics and the New Testament at Tyndale House in Cambridge.
Here is what I learned. Jesus was speaking to first century Jewish culture and to truly understand how the Jews were understanding his instructions, we have to understand Jewish culture more thoroughly.
For instance, our present day traditional marriage vows (to love/honor/respect) are based upon the book of Exodus where God said that all people were due food/clothing/love in marriage and that if those basic needs were neglected, then those affected were able to obtain a divorce.
The Apostle Paul affirmed these teachings in 1 Corinthians 7 when he said that married couples owed each other love and material support. He didn’t say that neglect of these needs was grounds for divorce, because he didn’t need to. It was already clearly understood.
So what about abuse? Divorce for abuse was also allowed because abuse is an extreme form of neglect. First century Jews understood this and we need to understand it too and properly counsel broken and hurt people.
Jesus was clear about his mission in Matthew 5:17:
17“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.
Jesus didn’t come to do away with the Old Testament but to fulfill it. In this case, Jesus came to give a proper perspective on divorce. He confronted the false Jewish ideas about divorce that were prevalent in his time. You see, there was a group of Jewish people that believed that the Old Testament allowed for divorce for “any cause.” In other words, if for ANY reason a man wanted to divorce his wife, they believed it was ok.
Jesus said no and pointed back to the actual intent of the Old Testament law.
Let me be clear: divorce is not God’s best and should rarely happen. God wants reconciliation between us and him and between us and other people. However, there are times when the option to divorce is scripturally acceptable.
1. Adultery (in Deuteronomy 24 and Matthew 19)
2. Emotional and Physical neglect (including abuse and abandonment) (Exodus 21 and 1 Corinthians 7)
May God be honored as we seek to follow him with out hearts and minds and may he liberate all whom suffer at the hands or from the words of their spouses.
Peace,
Neil
I have hope because of the resurrection of Jesus.
Jesus was a true game-changer. He entered the scene and said such radical things like: “Love your enemies,” and “love your neighbor as you love yourself.” He flipped the religious establishment over and he liberated women. He dined with tax collectors but shunned the ones that thought they had figured it all out. He gave hope to sinners and prostitutes and disappointed the people that wanted a victorious political and military leader.
Today, I’m overwhelmed by Good Friday coming tomorrow and Easter Sunday and the overwhelming love of the king who abdicated his throne because he loved me, and limited his own power and allowed people just like me to abuse and mock him, so that people just like me could be changed and then spend eternity with him.
What love. And sacrifice.
I’m humbled and grateful.
Happy Easter. May the peace of Jesus reside in your heart.
Over the last few weeks, my heart has nearly exploded with joy and excitement as so many people have committed themselves to living Christ’s way. Yesterday we had three people embrace this life of sacrifice. Congratulations to Scott, Gail, and Ron!
Today has been just as good…well, except for Brandi’s stomach flu and three hyper daughters with nasty cases of cabin fever.
This morning, I found a blog by a guy who used to be a big-timer in the production of porn flicks. And then he was transformed.
Donny Pauling is his name and his story is radical and compelling. He’s a tremendously gifted and entertaining writer, too. Check out his blog. This guy is the real deal. He is honest and sincere and has the fantastic ability to cut through religion and Christianese (you know that language if you’ve been a Christian more than about 10 years or 5 if you’re an early adopter).
We all need to be more like Donny because he is transparent (which really freaks out the legalistic Pharisee is all of us) and he’s calling others to be the same way.
God is smiling.
Peace,
Neil
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: church, First Baptist Church Maryville, Pastor Fred Winters, security, shootings
Last Sunday morning at about 8:15am, a man walked into First Baptist Church of Maryville, IL and walked to the front of the sanctuary and shot Pastor Fred Winters to death.
While we don’t hear about church shootings that regularly, I think we’d be foolish as leaders to ignore them or to adopt the “it will never happen to us” mentality.
I just came across this article and if you are a pastor or church leader, it is a must-read.
Churches are notorious for minimal security. While acts of violence at church are rare, recent shootings raise the question: what can leaders do to protect their people?
Work with local police
Learn their plans and capabilities. Most police agencies have adopted an “active shooter” philosophy. This means moving in quickly and removing a threat with lethal force, even before an organized evacuation or the arrival of negotiators.
Police may want a survey of your facility, including:
1. Blueprints and photos (digital or hard copy) of every room in the church to guide officers to secure the building.
2. Emergency contact information for the pastor, property manager, and members of the church crisis-response team.
3. Keys to outside and classroom doors.
4. Shutoff points for gas, water, and electricity.
5. Any knowledge of existing threats, including anyone against whom the church or a member has a restraining order.
Prevention
Situational crime expert Ronald Clarke coined these steps for avoiding an active-shooter incident:
1. Increase early identification. A person with a gun drawn is an obvious threat. But attitude or body language can also suggest a threat. Greeters or church staff should extend a personal greeting to anyone who looks suspicious.
2. Reduce provocation. Train ushers to deny access, firmly but respectfully, to people who are unstable, agitated, angry, or intoxicated.
3. Limit access. A shooter will likely arrive after the service begins. Close sanctuary doors once a service begins and train ushers to meet late-comers and guide them to designated seating areas.
Lockdown
At times a lockdown may be the best way to protect the congregation. During a lockdown, certain areas of the church are required to shut, lock, and barricade their doors until police arrive. Those inside during a lockdown should stay away from windows and leave room lights on to ease the police team’s search. Before instituting such a policy:
1. Determine which church leaders can order a lockdown and under what circumstances.
2. Identify who can enter protected areas (such as the nursery), and how or if parents can retrieve children during a lockdown.
3. Provide telephones or intercoms that allow each lockdown area to communicate outside the building.
If a shooter gets in …
Leaders must be decisive. If the gunman targets a pastor or some other leader, those most visible should draw attention away from the congregation. If the shooter targets the congregation, direct confrontation is essential. This is dangerous, but you can improve your chances by distracting the shooter, yelling from multiple directions, and tackling him from behind.
Call 911 as soon as possible. Police will want to know the number of shooters, location of suspects, types of weapons, possible traps or explosives, and sensitive locations such as children’s areas. Stay on the line to provide real-time information to police on the scene.
When police arrive, stay on the ground until you are told to move. People have a built-in urge to run for safety. But movement creates confusion and complicates the situation for police. When you do get up, avoid sudden movements or any object in your hand that could be construed as a threat.
Andrew G. Mills is a lieutenant in the San Diego (California) Police Department.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: "the least of these", calling, christ, church, poverty
Have you ever had a day when no matter what you’ve been doing, you’ve had this sense that you were supposed to do more?
All day today, I’ve had this overwhelming sense that God has been calling me to greater things. I don’t mean to fame or to riches, but to things that bring real life.
I believe that Jesus is calling the church to connect with the world just like he did while he was on earth. Jesus ate with prostitutes and tax collectors and cared for the poor and sick and dying. He told us what true religion is and he told us that offering one of the unnoticed people in society a cup of water is like giving him a cup of water.
When are we going to wake up and give God more than just so-so church attendance? When are we going to embrace the cross and the suffering that comes with it? Knowing that in order to live that we must die first.
God, please keep me unsettled for your grand purposes and help us to look forward to living out lives that are so radically counter-cultural.
Peace,
Neil
Sunday was such an incredible day! We started the day with sound problems during morning worship band rehearsal, and there was technology failure that was frustrating too. But, ultimately, none of that mattered at all.
We just finished our fresh start message series, and Sunday was the beginning of “Love Journey,” where we are going to learn about God’s love and ask him to transform our hearts so that we know how to care for the people around us in the same way that he loves us.
We sure had an exciting start. We had three scheduled baptisms for the day, but then I challenged people to just “get up,” and come be baptized if they were ready but had just been putting it off.
Well, I was blown away! Three more people chose to commit their lives to Christ, and on Sunday, six people began new lives with Christ.
What a start to this journey!!
Welcome to your new lives, Eric, Joanne, Nick, Sandy, Chuck & Ioan!
Peace,
Neil
